Frerard in Wonderland
by Emberki
Summary: Gerard is a party animal, but after snorting a new drug delivered to him by his friend Dinah, his evening takes an unexpected turn in the form of a white rabbit. Frerard fic based on Disney's original version of Alice in Wonderland. Written by Emily (My Chemical Romance, Frank/Gerard)
1. Chapter 1

"Gerard, are you listening to me? Gerard looked up sharply and blinked a few times, startled by this abrupt interruption. "Gerard it is unacceptable how many times I have to practically wake you up… this is a class room and not only are you disrupting your own learning, you're disrupting the learning of others. Have I made myself clear, Gerard? Because I will not be asking you again."

"Yes, Miss Kingsleigh," Gerard mumbled, propping his head up with his hand. He rubbed his eyes slowly before looking up at the whiteboard and seeing a lot of writing that hadn't been there when he had slipped into his day dream. Gerard was one of the most scatter-brained people that had ever lived.

"Gee," came a whisper from the desk adjacent to Gerard's. "Gerard, are you stoned?" It was Frank, Gerard's best friend, who was looking deep into Gerard's eyes and biting his lip in a worried fashion. Gerard just grinned at Frank.

"Not yet… tonight though…" Gerard murmured, glancing at the clock and wishing it was three o'clock already. _How boring is this _Gerard thought, pulling out a piece of paper and beginning to mindlessly doodle. He could feel Frank's eyes on him the whole time he was drawing, putting pressure on him to not screw it up. The second that the bell rang, the piece of paper was snatched out from underneath his pencil.

"You're so fucking weird, Way," said Frank, studying each individual picture. "I mean a rabbit in a waistcoat with a watch? Why don't you go back to drawing skulls on fire or something?"

"I just draw whatever comes into my head. I can't stand these lessons… too many words and not enough pictures. If I had my way, we would just use pictures for the w_hole_ lesson."

"That doesn't make sense," Frank scoffed. "Anyway, what is the plan for this party tonight?" Gerard grinned again, but even wider this time.

"Get as fucking wasted as possible."

.

The party was in full swing by the time Frank and Gerard rolled up. Frank was dressed up like he was going to some kind of formal do in his black shirt and white tie whilst Gerard was in his usual oversized t-shirt and jeans with too many holes in them. It didn't take long before Gerard's 'friend' Dinah found them. She sidled over, pulling down the hem of her tight, red dress when she sat down next to Gerard on the couch. Frank coughed awkwardly as Gerard gave his friend a kiss.

"What have you got for me, Dinah?" Gerard asked, a smile playing across his lips as he took another sip of his beer. Dinah fixed him with her big, blue eyes and smiled back, absentmindedly running a hand through her red hair.

"Depends what you have for me, sweetheart." Gerard put his hand in his pocket and pulled out some money that Dinah almost immediately snatched out of his hand, stuffing it into her bra. Frank looked at her awkwardly. "What?" she asked. Frank immediately dropped his gaze. "I can't be carrying a purse around in here… someone will take it for sure! Anyway, Gee," she purred, switching her attention back to Gerard, who moved the can away from his face. "I got some new stuff in yesterday. Some guy called Gabe is supplying it… says it gives you a wicked high. You want to try some of that?"

"Is it… you know… safe?" Frank questioned. Dinah rolled her eyes.

"Does it really matter? You're going to get fucked anyway. But in answer to your question, no one has died from it yet." Frank scowled. "You could be the first, sweet pea, if you're not careful. Anyway, I've done it before and no harm came to me. Would I give you something I didn't trust, Gee?" She started playing with a strand of Gerard's hair and Frank shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "Come on, you might as well give it a go."

"Give it here," Gerard said, holding his hand out. Dinah practically beamed and reached into the other side of her bra, taking out a small bag of pink powder. "I'll see you later," she whispered in Gerard's ear before planting a kiss on his cheek, leaving some of her red lipstick behind.

.

"I don't understand why you hang out with her," Frank said to Gerard after Dinah had left. "She's a whore!"

"Maybe, Frank, but I don't know anyone else who gives me such good deals on drugs. Let's go do this shit anyway," Gerard shouted over the music, standing up and beginning to walk away. Frank grabbed Gerard's hand, causing Gerard to stumble a little bit. "What, Frankie?"

"I don't know if this is such a good idea… you're already too far into these drugs anyway and I don't really want you to get onto more stuff," Frank said, putting his finger to his lips and biting one of his nails.

"Frank I promise it will be fine. Come do some with me and you'll see what all the fuss is about." Gerard pulled Frank into a standing position before leaning in to whisper in Frank's ear. "Please?" Frank couldn't resist. He sighed with exasperation and followed Gerard out into the garden, heading for the shed.

.

The shed was empty, and Gerard beamed before clearing the work bench and setting out some neat lines of the powder. He stood back when he was done.

"We're not doing all of this, right?" Frank asked, staring in horror at the lines of pink powder in front of him. Gerard nodded. Adrenaline was pulsing through Frank's veins. He wasn't a drug taker, just a drinker – and drinking was just fine for him.

"I'll go first," said Gerard, as if sensing Frank's worry. Gerard leaned over and did a line, standing up and tipping his head back, breathing in sharply. "That's fucking good," he croaked. "You're turn!" Gerard grabbed Frank's hand like an eager puppy and nudged him forward to the work bench. Frank gulped and reluctantly leaned forwards. After taking a few deep breaths, he finally did it. Standing back up straight, he pulled a face of disgust and Gerard laughed at him, drawing him into a hug. "You're cute," Gerard said, before doing another line. Frank just blushed to himself, hoping Gerard couldn't see in the dark of the shed.

.

They stayed in the shed for a while, drinking and waiting for the drugs to kick in… and when they did, they knew that Dinah was right. Gerard was beside himself with laughter – everything that Frank did became utterly hilarious in Gerard's mind whereas Frank could not concentrate one little bit. He kept flitting from thought to thought, not able to settle on one particular moment in time or one topic of conversation. Eventually, Frank went silent and Gerard crawled over to him, leaning right into Frank's face, his legs either side of Frank's body.

"You're interesting," Gerard said simply. Frank looked him confused. "I mean, you interest me. Everyone else bores me so quickly but you… I never get bored of you." Frank was blushing again and Gerard was so close that there was no way to hide it, so instead Frank ducked his head. "Hey, don't look away," Gerard whined, lifting Frank's face up to his once more. The closeness was all too much for Frank. Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was the drugs… he didn't know. All he knew was that if he didn't kiss Gerard right then and there, he would _die._ So he took Gerard's face in his hands and crashed their lips together. Gerard was so surprised by the sudden move on Frank's part that he lost his balance and fell forward, and the wall that Frank was leaning on revealed itself to be a door that they then fell through as it swung open.

.

Gerard propped himself up on his hands and swung his head up, flicking the tousled black hair out of his eyes. As he began to lean back down to kiss Frank again, he spotted something out of the corner of his eye.

"Look, Frank, a rabbit!" he exclaimed. Frank couldn't move for giggling and so did not make an effort to look at what Gerard was shouting about. "Frankie, look!" The rabbit was wearing a waistcoat and a red jacket, out of which he pulled an antique looking pocket watch. The rabbit jumped in the air and began to run off towards the end of the garden. "Frank we have to go - come on!" Gerard shouted, scrambling to his feet and dragging Frank up with him. Frank could barely walk for laughing and so Gerard pulled him along, running at top speed to the end of the garden. When he reached the fence at the bottom of the garden, Gerard saw a white, tufty tail vanish through a gap underneath one of the fence panels. "We have to climb over!"

"Gerard this is ridiculous!" Frank exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air, but before he could complain any further, Gerard was already half way over the fence. "And it was all going so well," Frank mumbled to himself before scowling and following Gerard over the fence.

.

They ran through the streets, hand in hand, searching for the rabbit in the waistcoat and jacket. Every now and again, they would see a flash of white as they turned a corner, but when they thought they had caught up he would be nowhere to be found.

"Mr Rabbit!" Gerard called out at the top of his lungs. "You're in such a rush… where are you going?!" Frank sighed.

"He probably can't understand you, Gee. He's a rabbit."

"I have no time to talk!" sounded a voice out of nowhere. "I'm late and I'm can't dilly dally around here chitter chattering with you two. I'm late!" Gerard smiled triumphantly at Frank, who just rolled his eyes. As they turned a corner, they almost collided with the white ball of fur. "Good gracious, you young lads, you nearly knocked me off my feet!" Frank laughed at the rabbit's posh accent, which earned him a stony glare from both the rabbit and Gerard. The rabbit pulled his watch out of his pocket once more and squeaked. "I'm so late! I must dash, cheerio!" he shouted before hopping down the road again.

"Wait!" Gerard panted, starting to run after him again. "I want to come too! I want to know where you're going!"

"I'm going where I came from but I stopped at where I am coming from and yet I'm going where I came from when I was going to the place I am coming from and because I stopped at where I am coming from I am late getting to where I came from! Do you not understand me, dear boy? Am I speaking nonsense?"

"Yes! You can't come from where you are going!" exclaimed Frank, who was again met by cool glares.

"Dear Sir, it is you who is not making sense… not I!" the rabbit replied. "That is not what I said. You do not seem to understand that I have no time for these silly riddles because I am late." Without warning, the rabbit took a sharp turn and jumped through a whole in a wall that was only slightly bigger than a cat flap.

.

"We can't get through there, Gerard. I am drawing the line at crawling through a cat flap," Frank said, crossing his arms and standing firmly rooted to the ground.

"Well I'm going, and you can hardly let me go alone in my current state… can you?" Gerard asked, pouting playfully. Frank tried to suppress the smile threatening to betray him but failed miserably. Gerard pecked him on the lips before kneeling down and crawling through the tiny hole in the wall. Frank watched him, wondering what he had got himself into… _but at least I'm with Gerard_ he thought, clambering through the hole with a new found willingness. It was a tight squeeze and the tunnel seemed to go on forever, but eventually Frank was able to stand up and found himself in an enormous room.

.

The walls were tiled with squares of different colours; some of them were skewed to odd angles which made the whole room even more confusing. Gerard was lying in the middle of the floor with his arms spread wide.

"Gerard why are you on the floor?" Frank asked, staring at Gerard's body. It looked as if Gerard was trying to press himself far into the ground.

"The ceiling is too low," Gerard mumbled. Frank tilted his head and stared up at the high ceiling.

"Gerard this room is enormous!" Frank exclaimed, almost expecting to hear an echo but none came. It was at that moment that Frank spotted to whine glasses on a golden tray in the corner of the room. The liquid inside was pink and fizzing, but not like a carbonated drink… more like something was dissolving in it. It was then that Frank saw the pink residue at the bottom and realised what it was that was making the liquid fizz. "Gerard there's more of that pink stuff in these drinks!" There was a little card on the tray, with a ribbon laced through holes punched around the border of the card. Frank had to hold the card up to his face to decipher the elaborate handwriting.

'_Drink me_' it said simply.

.

Frank shrugged his shoulders and took both of the glasses over to where Gerard was sprawled out on the floor.

"Here, drink this," Frank said, handing one of the glasses to Gerard and watched him sit up a little to take a sip. It seemed ridiculous to Frank that Gerard couldn't sit up straight in the ginormous room, but at the same time Gerard thought the same about Frank who seemed to be standing up perfectly fine whilst Gerard's hair brushed against the ceiling. They both took a large gulp of the liquid and the result was remarkable – Frank felt as if he the room was closing in around him, the ceiling becoming lower and forcing him to lie down on the ground, just as Gerard had done before. At the same time, Gerard could see the room expanding and was finally able to stand up and stretch out.

"What the fuck just happened," Frank said, looking down at the tiny glass in his hands, completely bewildered.

"I have no idea," Gerard mumbled back, struggling to hold his giant cup up. "I think I shrunk."

"I think I grew," Frank responded. "Okay… so how do we get out of this room?"

"There's a door over there," Gerard answered. "But I'm too small to reach the handle and you're too big to fit through."

"Maybe if we swap glasses and take tiny sips until we're the right size, everything will be fine," Frank suggested, and Gerard nodded in agreement. So they swapped glasses and began to take sips, waiting until they had shrunk or grown a little before taking another. Eventually, they were the same size and Gerard gave Frank a hug so tight, he thought his head might pop off. "Shall we go through the door?" Frank asked, peeling Gerard off him. Gerard nodded and took Frank's hand, placing his free hand on the doorknob. He turned the knob and pushed the door open, but instead of finding a corridor on the other side, he found a hole that he fell into due to the momentum of his push, and pulled Frank in with him.

.

They fell for what felt like minutes, but when they eventually stopped falling, they landed softly on a pile of purple pillows – Frank on top of Gerard. Instead of wondering where they were, Gerard began to giggle with a laugh so infectious that Frank soon joined in. However, they were soon interrupted by a large booming voice from above them. Frank looked up first and almost screamed in surprise, there was a man leaning over him with a mask on, covering half of his face. The mask hid all of his features except his mouth, but even that was obscured by the large, bulbous beak protruding from where his nose would have been. It wasn't a bird that Frank recognised, but Gerard sure did.

"Are you a dodo?" Gerard asked, looking up at the portly man. The man tugged on the sleeves of his dark purple jacket.

"Of course I am a dodo, sir," he said indignantly. "And what are you?" Gerard raised his eyebrows a little, perplexed by the question.

"I'm… a person?" he said slowly, furrowing his brow.

"A human?" the dodo questioned, putting a pipe in his mouth and lighting it. "Well, we don't get many of your type around here. I suppose you're a human as well?" He asked, cocking his head to the side and looking at Frank. Frank burrowed into Gerard's side a little and nodded silently. "A mighty shy human too, I suppose."

"I'm sure you're _really _a human too," Gerard said, looking the man up and down from his powdered wig to his strange, orange boots. "You're wearing human clothes."

"Good observation," the dodo said, blowing smoke into Gerard's face. "But why would I be human when I can be a dodo? Anything goes here in Wonderland." Both Gerard and Frank looked at him confused. "You fell down the rabbit hole and landed in Wonderland… So, welcome. Do feel free to take a tour around the place. Who sent you here?" But before either of the boys could answer, a white ball of fur attracted their attention from the other side of the room, disappearing amongst a load of potted plants. Gerard excused himself, dragging Frank up behind him and running off in pursuit of the white rabbit.

"Be sure to pop by and watch the Caucus race later on! It's terribly entertaining," the dodo called after them, but they did not hear him.

.

After pushing past what seemed like a thousand branches, Frank and Gerard appeared in what seemed to be a clearing.

"We're lost," Frank said, sighing and sitting down on the log in the centre of the clearing.

"How can we be lost… this place can't be that big," Gerard responded, looking around for an exit. "This way!" Gerard exclaimed, striding towards a gap in the trees and what seemed to be a small foot path. As soon as he reached the opening, two figures jumped from either side of the gap, blocking Gerard's exit and making him jump backwards abruptly, making a loud squeaking noise as he did so.

"Hello there, young sirs," the two men said in unison. They were short, almost half Gerard's height, and twins, both dressed in the same high-waisted red trousers with a yellow shirt tucked into them and a gigantic blue bow tie. "Going somewhere?"

"We're following the white rabbit," Gerard said, side stepping to try and get past the men, but his movements were mirrored by them.

"Why?" they asked in chorus.

"Because we're curious," Frank piped up, who was now stood behind Gerard again.

"Oh, we know a good story about some curious oysters if you would like to stick around and hear it," said one of the men. Gerard declined shortly. "Or we could play a game? Hide and seek? If you stay around, we might have a battle!" The man on the left swung a punch at the man on the right, who dodged it expertly. Gerard tried to push past them, but instead they both grabbed one of his hands each and began to shake them vigorously. "First, you must say 'how do you do', and shake hands!" they exclaimed, a sing-song tone to their voices."

"How do you do," Gerard said through gritted teeth holding out his hand, his patience wearing thin. "I'm Gerard, and this is Frank. May we please go now?"

"I'm tweedle dee!" said the man on the right, grabbing Gerard's hand and shaking it violently.

"… and I'm tweedle dum!" said the man on the left, snatching the hand from the other man to shake it. Gerard pulled his hand back and flexed his fingers – the small men really did have some power in the handshakes.

"Well, this has been a pleasant chat, but we really must leave now… come on Frank," Gerard said, pushing past the twins once and for all and striding off down the path.

.

The walk along the path brought another sudden change that confused the two young gentlemen. They seemed to have walked out of an area of tall trees and into a valley of ginormous flowers.

"I think I'm coming down," Frank mumbled to Gerard, wiping his brow. "Everything is starting to feel normal." Gerard just hummed softly in acknowledgement – I assumed he was feeling the same. "Snowdrops!" Frank suddenly exclaimed, stopping dead in his tracks and dropping Gerard's hand. The huge plant towered over Frank, the flower drooping down to the level of Frank's head. Frank leaned forward to smell the flower and was overwhelmed by the power of the scent. His head began to feel funny again and he stumbled backwards a little. That's when he noticed the pink powder lining the inside of the plant.

"Oh my god, it's fucking everywhere!" Frank said, turning back to Gerard and pulling him over. As Gerard leaned into the plant to investigate, the flower suddenly moved.

"Excuse me!" came a voice from inside the plant. "Just what do you think you're doing?" Gerard stumbled backwards, tripping over his own feet and landing in a bed of pansies in a cloud of pink dust.

"I was looking at the pink powder!" Gerard spluttered, brushing the dirt and pink powder off his clothes.

"Oh! You mean the wonderland powder," said the snowdrop.

"Quiet now," sounded a voice a few feet away. "We're not meant to tell the whole _world_ about this." The two boys turned round to see a rose leaning down towards them. "Who are you? And what are you doing here?"

"We came through the rabbit hole!" Frank said quickly, feeling the buzz begin again in his brain.

"Oh goodness me," sighed a lily next to Frank. "I'm sick and tired of these… these _normals_ coming here and running about the place as if they own it."

"Would you like to hear us sing?" piped up a daisy in the back. "We're very good, we have a whole repertoire of songs!"

"No thank you," said Gerard breezily, grabbing Franks hand and pulling him away from the flowers that he was gormlessly gazing at. "We must be going." There was a chorus of whining, complaining voices from the pansies, who begged for the two to stay. "No, no, we must go now. We have to find our way out."

"_It's good that they're leaving,_" whispered the Lily to the Rose. "_They're nothing but a couple of common mobile vulgaris'"_

"What?" asked Frank, furrowing his brow with confusion.

"To put it bluntly, a couple of weeds!"

.

Before Frank could pick a fight with the flowers, Gerard pulled him away down a path until they became surrounded by a thick, swirling, multi-coloured smoke. Gerard began to cough.

"You're coughing? That's rich, from the guy that smokes a pack a day," Frank said bitterly.

"Frankie, don't start sulking," Gerard said, pouting and pulling Franks body close to his.

"I could have fucking pulled those prissy little flowers up and thrown them on a fucking fire. And besides, I only say it because I care," Frank mumbled, looking down at the ground. Gerard put his thumb under Frank's chin and lifted his face, allowing their eyes to meet. Frank bit his lip and Gerard just couldn't hold back any longer. He pressed his lips to Franks and then pulled away quickly. Frank's lips pursed, leaning forward for another kiss. Gerard smiled at how cute Frank looked when he did that and didn't stop smiling even when Frank's lips were on his. They kissed for goodness knows how long before a strangely shaped shadow appeared in the smoke.

.

"Who…. are…. you?" said the shadowy figure. Frank and Gerard jumped apart, hearts beating in their chests. "I asked you a question! Who are you?"

"I'm Frank Iero, and this is my… erm…"

"Boyfriend!" Gerard chimed in. "I'm his boyfriend, Gerard Way." A plume of smoke was blown straight into Gerard's face. "Dude…. what is that?!" Gerard asked between coughs. The man stepped out of the smoke and the two boys barely batted an eyelid when he was revealed to be dressed as a giant caterpillar with a hookah in his hand. "Are you high?"

"Isn't everyone high?" the man drawled, blowing out a perfectly formed smoke ring. "Anyway, I asked you a question that you didn't answer – who _are _you?"

"Well if we're not Frank and Gerard, then I don't know who we are!" Gerard said impatiently.

"Why?" The caterpillar asked, rolling his eyes and blowing more smoke into their faces. Frank started to cough.

"Well, we've seen so much crazy shit tonight that I'm not sure I know what's real or who I am anymore!" Gerard mumbled, a perplexed look on his face. The caterpillar looked the boys up and down and began to walk back into the thick, multi-coloured smoke, reciting what seemed to be a poem as he went.

"_How does the little crocodile improve his shining tail, and pour the waters of the Nile on every golden scale. How cheerfully he seems to grin, how neatly spreads his claws, and welcomes little fishes in with gently smiling jaws." _

_._

Just as Frank and Gerard began to walk away, the caterpillar called them back urgently. Reluctantly, the two boys turned round and stormed back over to the giant mushroom that the man was sitting on.

"Well? What do you want?" snapped Gerard, tapping his foot impatiently.

"Keep your temper…" the caterpillar drawled, throwing Gerard a challenging look that made him snap.

"Don't you dare tell me to keep my temper when I've spent this whole fucking night searching for some strange white rabbit, and no one will give me directions! I was meant to be at a fucking kick-ass party and now I'm stuck here with crazy people like you!" As Gerard continued to rant, the caterpillar took more and more puffs of the strange rainbow smoke until he became so enveloped in it that neither Frank now Gerard could even make out his silhouette. It took nearly a minute for the smoke to clear away and when it did, the caterpillar was nowhere to be seen. "Oh for fucks sake," grumbled Gerard, stamping his foot.

"Where did he go?" asked Frank, looking all around.

"Well I hope you find the rabbit you are looking for," sounded a voice from above us. "And I hope you take the right paths."

"Well fuck me," mumbled Frank. "He turned into a fucking butterfly."


	2. Chapter 2

To Frank, it felt like they had been walking for hours in a drug-infused daze, seemingly not getting any closer to an exit. Suddenly, the pair reached an old, warped tree covered in sign posts shaped like arrows.

"Oh thank god," Frank mumbled. "We can finally get some directions that make sense!" Gerard giggled. "What?" Frank asked, scowling a little.

"Maybe you should look at the signs before you say that…" Gerard was right – the signs were no use at all.

"Here, yonder, back, that way, this way, up, over there… what use is this!" Frank shouted, stamping his feet which just made Gerard laugh even harder. "And I still don't understand why you find all of this so funny. It's your fault that we're in this mess in the first place!" Frank slumped down the tree and sat on the stony floor, folding his arms across his chest and pouting a little. "How the hell are we meant to get home when no one in this place knows which way is up and which way is down. This place is huge… it must run under the entire city. It's ridiculous! How did we not know it was here?!"

"Maybe because it's just not meant to be found by normal people with normal brains," mused Gerard, studying the signs on the tree intently. "I think we should go…. _this _way," he said, pointing to one of the arrow heads.

"And why do you say that?" Frank questioned, letting out a large sigh – he was completely fed up with this place. The novelty had worn off after they had been insulted by some flowers and utterly confused by a tree. Gerard shrugged, which just pissed Frank off even more. "If you don't know where you're going then why should I-"

"Shh, Frank!" Gerard said quietly, cutting Frank off mid-sentence. Frank just sat there, his mouth hanging open, completely shocked that Gerard had just interrupted his rant. "Can you hear that?"

"No," Frank grumbled, his eyebrows dropping into an even sterner glare.

"It's singing…." Gerard mumbled, looking around him.

.

"_'Twas brillig and the slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the wabe, all mimsy were the borogoves and the mome raths outgrabe." _The voice sounded distant and raspy, and seemed to be coming from several directions at the same time. The two boys looked wildly around, trying to find the source of the sound.

"Lose something?" the voice said suddenly, the words coming from the tree above the pair; they both jumped out of their skin at the sudden proximity of the voice.

"Erm… no, I don't – I- I was just wondering…" stammered Frank, standing up and joining Gerard to stare into the leaves of the tree. All he could see was a big, bright, toothy grin in the darkness of the foliage.

"It's quite alright… anyway – second verse! _"Beware the Jabberwock, my son! The jaws that bite, the claws that catch! Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun the frumious Bandersnatch!"_ It was at that point that the person crawled along the branch and into the light. The man was wearing a huge, purple and pink striped fur coat, with a tail dangling down from the branch. His eyes were yellow and piercing, and gleamed in a very mischievous way. The ears were perched atop the bright purple head of hair, and twitched occasionally when he sang.

.

"Oh, I see!" exclaimed Gerard in awe. "You're a cat!"

"A Cheshire cat!" the man clarified, before turning around and crawling back along the branch into the cover of the leaves.

"No wait, don't go please!" shouted Frank. "Maybe you can help us! We need directions, we're lost!"

"Well that depends on where you want to get to?" asked the cat.

"Well it really doesn't matter…. I just -"

"Well then it really doesn't matter which way you go then." The Cheshire cat grinned and then vanished into the darkness.

"Well that really wasn't any fucking use to us," Frank cried after him. "All of you weird people in this place are so useless. No one can help us at all."

"Well," sounded a voice from the tree behind Frank. "That was rude." Frank and Gerard both spun around and stared in shock at the cat. How could he move so fast? "And if you were wondering… he went that way," he said, pointing to the left.

"Who?" Frank asked. "I'm getting really tired of the riddles in this place."

"Why the white rabbit, of course. That _is _who you were following… isn't it?" Gerard started jumping up and down on the spot.

"Oh, he did?!" he shouted, practically exploding with joy.

"He did what?" the cat asked in response, furrowing his brow and looking at Gerard as if he was speaking another language.

"Go that way!"

"Who did?"

"The white rabbit!"

"What white rabbit?"

"Didn't you just say… oh never mind. Come on, Frank. Let's get going," Gerard said, grabbing Franks hand and tugging him down the path labelled '_this way.'_

_._

The further along the path they got, the more odd sounds they began to hear. They could hear music coming from a garden not far away, where there seemed to be a party in full swing.

"Maybe we should ask for some directions here," Gerard suggested when they reached the gate. Frank grimaced, and then read the note that was haphazardly taped to the wooden panels.

"_Happy unbirthday party in full swing - come join the Mad Hatter and the March Hare at our tremendous, titillating tea party!" _

"What the fuck is an unbirthday…" Frank mumbled, re-reading the sign to make sure he had got it right. "I just want to go home, Gerard." Tears began to form in Frank's eyes, but Gerard wiped them away before they had time to trail even half way down his cheeks.

"I promise we'll get there soon. We just have to get some directions from this tea party," Gerard said comfortingly, pulling Frank into a soft hug and kissing the top of his head. "I love you, Frankie… and I'm sorry I got you into this." Frank lifted his head and pressed his lips briefly to Gerard's.

"It's okay," he sighed. "We'll get out of here soon. I'm just tired of all the crazy people around here."

"Maybe you need some more drugs to get you back riding high," Gerard suggested. Frank shrugged and checked his pockets – Gerard did the same. "Oh… we don't have any more… well this place is stuffed full of that pink powder, so I'm sure they'll have some here." Gerard pushed the gate open and walked into the noisy garden, Frank following behind him.

.

In the middle of the garden there was a huge table that seemed to be set out for more than thirty guests. There were teacups, saucers, milk jugs, sugar pots, cutlery and all the teapots you could ask for. Each teapot was decorated differently and they were all different shapes and sizes, but all of them had steam streaming from the spout. Despite the set places for many guests, there were just two people sat at the table, bobbing along to the music and singing. One of the men had a hat on that almost doubled his height and was dressed in what seemed to be rather eccentric, Victorian clothing. The other man – or hare – had soft, brown ears on top of his head and was wearing a bright red suit. Neither of the pair stopped singing even when the two boys entered the garden.

.

"_A very merry unbirthday to me"_

"_To who?"_

"_To me!"_

"_Oh, you!"_

"_A very merry unbirthday to you"_

"_Who, me?"_

"_Yes you"_

"_Oh, me!"_

"_Let's all congratulate us with another cup of tea! A very merry unbirthday to you!" _It wasn't until Frank and Gerard sat down in two of the seats at the end of the table that the other men noticed their presence.

"No room!" they began exclaiming repetitively, standing up and running to the end of the table.

"What are you talking about," Gerard giggled. "There's plenty of room!"

"Of course," said the hare. "But it's very rude to sit down without being invited!"

"Very, _very _rude," shouted the man, turning his back on Frank and Gerard.

"Oh… well I'm really sorry," Frank practically whispered, slumping down in the chair. "We didn't mean to be rude… it's just that the sign on the gate seemed like an invitation and I enjoyed your song."

"You enjoyed our song?" the hare asked, his eyes lighting up. Even the gentleman turned back around to face the pair, a huge grin on his face.

"What polite young boys!" Frank sighed with relief, his apparently rude behaviour from before had been excused. "We hardly ever get compliments… you must stay for some tea!"

"That would be really nice," said Gerard. "We've been walking for hours and we are so thirsty." The March Hare began to pour two cups of tea, but instead of adding sugar he added two heaped teaspoons of the perfect pink powder to each cup. Frank and Gerard looked at each other and grinned, knowing what reaction would come after drinking this innocent looking cup of tea. "I'm sorry to bother you, but what exactly _is _an unbirthday."

.

"Well… let me elucidate!" exclaimed the Mad Hatter, clearing his throat and climbing up on the table. "Now, statistics prove that you have one birthday a year."

"Just one birthday!" interjected the March Hare.

"However, there are three hundred and sixty four _un_birthdays!"

"And that's precisely why we're gathered here to cheer!"

"Well in that case," said Gerard, "It's my unbirthday today as well!"

"Me too!" added Frank.

"What a small world this is!" said the hare, linking hands with the mad hatter and dancing around Frank and Gerard's chairs, singing the unbirthday song to them. They couldn't help but smile as they sipped at their tea, their brains beginning to fizz again.

.

The two strange men sat back down opposite Frank and Gerard and began pouring their own tea.

"So, I think you were seeking some kind of information!" said the Mad Hatter, taking a bite of his saucer. Frank looked at him completely bewildered, before picking up his own saucer and trying to take bite some off – as was to be expected, the saucer didn't break and Frank ended up with a pain in his front teeth.

"Oh yes," said Gerard, putting his cup down on the table in front of him. "Yes, we're looking for the white-"

"Clean cup! Clean cup! Move down!" the Mad Hatter began shouting, throwing his half-full cup over his shoulder and jumping up, the March Hare did the same. Frank and Gerard exchanged a confused glance before standing up slowly. Everyone moved two placed anti-clockwise on the table before settling themselves again.

"Would you like some more tea?" said the March Hare, picking up an elegant looking teapot with four spouts and pouring four cups of tea at the same time before even asking the boys if they wanted more tea. He put three heaped teaspoons of the powder into the cups before passing them down the row.

"We're going to die of a drug overdose soon if we don't slow down on this stuff," Frank whispered to Gerard, but Gerard just grinned back with huge eyes and took a gulp of the hot liquid.

.

"Anyway, start from the beginning and tell us how you got here... and when you get to the end, stop!" said the gentleman in the hat, lying down on the table in front of us.

"Well it all started at this party we were at with my friend Dinah," said Gerard, taking another sip of tea.

"Very interesting!" interjected the March Hare. Frank scanned his face for any sign of sarcasm, but he seemed to be completely sincere. "Wait, who's Dinah?"

"Oh, Dinah is my friend!" Frank snorted and Gerard shot him a look that could kill.

"Clean cup! Move Down!" shouted the Mad Hatter, grabbing Frank by the hand and tugging him off his chair and into another. "Let's change the subject… why is a raven like a writing desk?"

"I am not answering any more fucking riddles. Come on, Gerard," Frank said sharply. "We don't have the time for this!"

"Who's got the time!" shouted the Hatter.

.

At that moment a bundle of white fur came bouncing into the garden, mumbling about being late.

"The white rabbit!" exclaimed Gerard, pulling his hand free of Franks and running after the rabbit. Frank just stood there open mouthed, dabbing at the tea he had spilt on himself.

"Leaving so soon?" asked the hare, sidling up to Frank.

"Yes, I think so," Frank said, starting to follow Gerard. "Goodbye! Thank you for the tea! Oh, and happy unbirthday!"

"Happy unbirthday to you too!" the two strange men yelled after him, beginning to pour tea and sing again.

.

Frank and Gerard ran for ages until they couldn't run any more, and they came to a clearing in the woods.

"Where are we now?" Frank panted, collapsing onto the floor and leaning against a rock, trying to catch his breath.

"I have no idea," Gerard replied quietly, leaning up against a tree. "We're lost again." There was a long silence until the two of them caught their breath, which was only broken by the sudden sniffles coming from the rock. "Frankie?" Gerard whispered. Just the sound of Gerard's voice made the tears begin to cascade from Frank's eyes.

"We're lost again, Gerard. What if we never get home? All of this is your fault!" Frank pulled his knees up to his chest and began to sob, his whole body shaking. Gerard didn't know what to do. He went over to Frank and sat down next to him.

"I'm really sorry, Frankie," he mumbled, putting his arms around the smaller boy. "I promise we'll get out of here soon. We just have to follow this path and eventually it will lead somewhere… and this time we won't accept any silly riddles. We'll demand directions and then follow them." Frank lifted his head off his knees and looked at Gerard through tear filled eyes; the sight was almost too much for Gerard. He pulled him into an even tighter hug and held Frank until he stopped crying, periodically kissing the top of his head comfortingly.

.

It was then that the pair heard a familiar singing voice coming from the tree in front of them and as they looked up, they both saw that brilliant white smile from earlier.

"Oh Cheshire cat, it's you!" Gerard said, standing up and dusting off his knees.

"Well who were you expecting? A white rabbit, perhaps?"

"No, we're done with white rabbits… we- we just want to go home!" Gerard cried, stamping his foot and crossing his arms across his chest like a child. "But we can't find our way."

"That's because you have no way," the cat said, rolling onto his back. "That's because here _all_ ways are the queen's ways!"

"But we haven't met a _queen_," whined Frank, standing up to join Gerard.

"Oh, but you must! She'll be mad about you… absolutely mad!" he said vanishing into the trees.

"No! Come back! We're not letting you leave until you give us some fucking directions!" Gerard demanded, shouting up into the tree at the top of his voice. Eventually, the Cheshire cat returned.

"You're being very rude again. Anyway, some people go this way." He pointed to the left. "And some people go that way." He pointed to the right. "But me… well, I like to take the short cut," he smirked, leaning on a branch that caused the bark at the front of the tree to fall to the floor, revealing a secret door.

"Thank you very much!" Gerard said, joy returning to his voice. "Thank you for all you're help!" The Cheshire cat just grinned and vanished into the foliage as Frank and Gerard rushed through the door and into a maze of hedges.

.

After walking through the maze for a while, they came across a group of men dressed as playing cards with buckets of red paint who seemed to be painting the rose bushes.

"What nonsense are these people doing now," muttered Frank, grasping Gerard's hand as they approached the group.

"Excuse me, sir, but why are you painting the roses red?" Gerard asked, bewildered by the strange things that happened in this underground labyrinth.

"Well between you and me," he said, leaning in towards the pair and nearly splashing paint all over them. "We planted white roses by mistake… and the queen likes them to be red! If she saw them white instead, she'd raise a fuss and we would all quickly lose our heads. So we're painting them red to avoid her wrath. Please don't tell the queen!"

"Of course we won't," said Frank, stepping forward and grabbing a bucket himself. "In fact, let us help you." The men nodded enthusiastically and Frank and Gerard began splashing paint all over the flowers.

.

Just as they had finished painting the last bush of roses, they heard a fanfare coming from the distance. Instantly, the cards began to panic – they started scrambling to collect all the ladders, buckets and paintbrushes to hide them out of sight of the queen. After throwing all the equipment into a corner, they all threw themselves on the ground, almost like an exaggeration of how one would kneel before royalty.

"The queen is coming!" card number five shouted. "Get down on the ground or it will be _you_ who loses their head!" Quickly, Frank and Gerard copied the cards and lay as flat as they could against the ground. Just as they did so, a procession of more men dressed as cards began to pass by, all whistling and marching in time – it seemed like an odd royal parade. Suddenly, they were stepped on by something that ran over them to the end of the possession and all they saw as it passed was a fluffy, white tail.

"Not that fucking rabbit again," grumbled Frank into the ground, and Gerard couldn't help but laugh.

.

The rabbit drew out a trumpet from behind him and blew a quick, clumsy fanfare, struggling for breath afterwards. Frank and Gerard raised their heads a little to see what was going on.

"Her imperial highness... h-her grace... her Excellency… her royal majesty… the Queen of Hearts!" the rabbit wheezed. "Oh… and the king." The queen was a very ferocious looking lady. She was a large woman with very wide hips and had a squashed face that gave her a somewhat animalistic appearance. She was smiling, but even that seemed to strike fear into the hearts of the cards. It was at that moment that she looked over behind Frank and Gerard and her facial expression changed completely. She bared her teeth and her eyebrows lowered into a frown so intense, the cards began to shake. The queen stormed over to the rose bush and touched one of the flowers, gasping when her finger was marked red by the paint.

"_Who's been painting my roses red_…" she asked in a deadly whisper. No one answered. "**Who** has been painting me roses red!" she said again, this time yelling and tearing the bush up by its roots. "Someone is going to lose their head!" She glared down at the cards who were lying around Frank and Gerard.

"It wasn't me, your majesty, it was number 3!" piped up card number 5.

"No, no, no! It was the ace!"

"Not me! It was number 7!"

"Silence!" the queen bellowed. She took in a deep breath before shrieking "off with their heads!"

.

The cards were carried away by the queens guards and the rest of them began to cheer, jeering at the 'criminals' and throwing the paint buckets at them.

"Silence!" the Queen of Hearts shouted again. "And who are these two!" she boomed, glaring down at Frank and Gerard who were still on the floor.

"Well let me see," mumbled the King, scuttling over and learning right into their faces. "Well they certainly aren't clubs… do you suppose they're spades?"

"Why… it's two young men!" said the Queen, the haunting smile appearing on her face once more. Gerard and Frank stood up quickly, Frank standing slightly behind Gerard whilst Gerard rubbed his hands together nervously.

"Yes, and we were hopping-"

"Look up, speak nicely and don't twiddle your fingers!" the Queen yelled. Frank jumped backwards, startled by the loudness of the Queen's voice and Gerard immediately clasped his hands behind his back. "Turn out your toes, bow, and open your mouth a little wider… and always say 'yes, your majesty.'"

"Yes, your majesty," Gerard repeated, bowing. The queen chuckled and patted him on the head.

.

"Now, where do you come from and where are you going?" the large woman asked the pair, beginning to walk. Frank and Gerard followed her quickly.

"Well we're trying to find our way home," Frank said quietly.

"_Your_ way!" the Queen exploded, turning around and going bright red in the face. "_All_ ways here are _my _ways!" She calmed down a little and smoothed down the front of her dress. "Now, my dears, do you play croquet?" Frank looked at Gerard and grinned.

"I play a little," Gerard replied nervously.

"Well then let the game begin!" the Queen shouted, rushing them off to one of the royal gardens.

.

'_What an odd way to play croquet,_' Frank thought, sitting on a bench at the side of the garden with the other cards. He didn't know what he expected, as it was hardly going to be regular croquet in this strange place, but this was certainly not it. Some of the men dressed as cards were on their hands and knees on the ground, bottoms in the air and arching their backs to form the wickets on the green. The balls were also no ordinary balls either – they were strange, furry creatures of all different colours that looked like hedgehogs without spikes. The Queen pushed up her sleeves and strode over to the bucket where the mallets were kept. However, of course, the mallets weren't wooden. They were birds with huge beaks that formed the end of the mallet that stiffened when you held their neck. She selected the green bird and stormed over to the ball, placing the head of the 'mallet' right beside it. She swung the bird with such force that she began to spin on the spot almost comically – but she didn't hit the ball. That didn't seem to mean anything though. Frank watched open-mouthed as the 'ball' began to move itself, slaloming along and going under every arched card, each of which moved to make sure the Queen got a perfect score. At the end of the run, the crowd went wild, and Frank clapped out of fear that the Queen would send him to be executed.

.

"You're next, my dear," she drawled, ushering Gerard to the pink ball set out on the ground for him.

"Yes, your majesty," Gerard said before bowing and holding the mallet. The bird gave him a sly look before relaxing all its muscles and becoming useless. Gerard tutted. "Come on!" He tried to straighten the bird out again but instead it tried to fly away. "Do you want us both to lose out heads?" he hissed at the pink bird. It slyly nodded in response. "Well I don't. I am the master of the wicket," he whispered to himself before swinging the bird roughly and hitting the ball straight on. The cards rushed to move out of the way of the ball or flatten themselves against the ground, meaning that by the time the ball stopped moving, Gerard had scored no points. The audience cheered as the queen was declared the winner, but Gerard just stamped one of his feet and folded his arms tightly across his chest.

.

"Are you not going to congratulate me?" The Queen said, waltzing over to where Gerard was still standing.

"No I am not!" Gerard exclaimed, stamping his foot again. Frank stood up quickly and ran to Gerard's side – he realised that this was not going to go well.

"Silence!" the Queen bellowed into Gerard's face, but even that couldn't quell the anger rising up in Gerard.

"I will not be silent! I am sick of this place. This place is nonsense… pure nonsense and I am going to fucking go home! And as for you, _your majesty_," Gerard shouted, bowing as low as he could, mocking the queen. "Your majesty indeed," he scoffed. Frank tried to grab Gerard's arm but Gerard just shook him off. "Why, you're not a _queen_. You're just a fat, pompous, bad tempered, old tyrant!" Gerard screeched, leaning right forwards towards the Queen. The audience of cards gasped in horror, and even the queen was stunned momentarily.

"**Off with his head!"** the Queen shrieked, turning the same colour that the roses had been painted earlier.

.

It was only at that moment that Gerard realised what he had done and allowed Frank to drag him away, running as fast as they could back through the maze and back through the woods, all whilst being chased by the Queen, the King, the white rabbit and their army of playing cards. They passed the entrance to the un-birthday tea party and managed to avoid being accosted by Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum in the clearing, and eventually they arrived back where they started, completely out of breath in what seemed like a dead end. They could hear the queen in the distance, still shouting 'off with his head' at the top of her lungs, but there was nowhere to go.

"Lost, boys?" came a voice from the shadows – it was the man dressed as a Dodo… the first person they had seen in this insane wonderland.

"We need to escape… like, now," Frank panted, looking up the shaft that lead to safety. "Do you have a ladder?"

"Are you not going to stick around for the jolly Caucus race?" the Dodo questioned, apparently not sensing the urgency in the situation. Gerard pinned him against the wall by his smart jacket and began to lose his temper again.

"Look, we need to fucking get out of here, so you had better give us a ladder right now," he bellowed into the man's face. He looked so panicked and put his hands up in surrender straight away. He stood under the shaft and began to pull a ladder out of his trouser pocket. The ladder seemed to go on and on, and eventually the dodo pulled the bottom of it out of the pocket. "Thank you," Gerard said quickly before ushering Frank up the ladder and following him. The dodo muttered a small 'you're welcome' before pulling a cigar out of his pocket and lighting it.

.

Eventually, Frank and Gerard reached the top of the ladder, but they didn't have time to catch their breath. Frank grabbed Gerard's hand and tugged him towards the cat flap that they had entered through and began to crawl through, desperate to reach the sanity of the outside world again. Once they were both outside, they lay down on the pavement side by side, panting and trying to fill their lungs with as much of the clean, cool air as possible.

"That was a crazy night," Frank breathed, rolling onto his side so he could look at Gerard.

"Yeah," Gerard mumbled in response. "I'm sorry I dragged you into this, Frankie. I shouldn't have forced you to take the drugs and I definitely shouldn't have made you come down there with me."

"Don't sweat it," Frank said, moving his hand across to cup Gerard's face. "I got to spend the whole evening with you… I couldn't imagine a better night." Frank leaned forward and bridged the gap between their mouths, kissing Gerard softly. He could feel Gerard smiling into the kiss, and that warmed his heart.

"At least this has been a night we'll never forget," Gerard giggled when they broke off the kiss. Frank nodded and stood up, offering out his hand to pull Gerard up with him.

.

"There you are!" came a voice from down the street. "It's fucking four o'clock in the morning, Gerard. Where have you been?!" It was Dinah, tottering down the street in her killer heels. "I've been looking for you all night at the party to find out what you thought of the drugs, but someone said they saw you go this way. Where have you been? What have you been doing?" The two boys grinned.

"If I told you," Gerard began, smirking a little. "You would never believe me." Dinah just looked at them, rolled her eyes and began to walk back down the street – Frank and Gerard followed her. "Oh, and by the way, Dinah," Gerard said. Dinah turned and looked at him, an expression of exasperation on her face. "Happy unbirthday!"

* * *

**A/N** Thank you for reading! Leave me a review, it's always appreciated! And maybe check out some of my other fics? I swear they're better than this one haha. Thank you guys 3 - Emily xox


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